These words
by Bluebell Had To Go
Summary: The Master thought he had died in the Doctor's arms after Lucy shot him. Then he opened his eyes again, realised he was still alive.
1. Chapter 1

An alternative ending to the Last of the Time Lords. The Doctor manages to save the Master because he has something to tell him...

* * *

The Doctor always had trouble saying those words. It felt like an invisible restraint around his throat, imprisoning his feelings inside him, locking them inside his head.

Three simple words.

That was ridiculous.

He was nine hundred years old. He had travelled so far away, seen so many things. He had saved billions of lives and the universe itself. But three simple words, and he couldn't bring himself to pronounce them.

He'd usually change the subject. And he would think about something else, something altogether different, in his customary jolly manner. Let's just start exploring new planets, take my hand and allons-y !

If only things could be that simple again.

And maybe they would, one day. To hold his companion's hand and run to the stars, that was all he wished for.

It could all begin now - if only he found the inner strength to...

"Why ?!"

Could be that simple, yes. But first, he'd have to face the howling and slightly psychotic creature he had brought inside the Tardis. And for now, well, …

His eyes obstinately refused to.

Simple question, but not that easy to answer.

"Why did you have to bring me back ? Why am I alive ? Why ?"

So here he was, lying on the floor. His own nemesis, the Master himself.

He had just awaken a few minutes ago and still felt disorientated. He thought he had died in the Doctor's arms after Lucy shot him. Then he opened his eyes again, realised he was still alive. Something, or more probably, someone, must have saved him.

The responsible was just in front of him. Indeed. Who else ?

He wanted to shout and tear the world to pieces. Why did the Doctor always had to win ? That was his worst case scenario, and it wasn't meant to happen.

Fully awoke now, the Master jumped to his feet, grabbed the Doctor by the collar, yelling the same question over and over again. _Why ?_

"Because I..."

Maybe that was a mistake after all, thought the Doctor. How could he expect him to understand ? The Master was furious and he had every right to be.

The Doctor felt this need to explain why he saved his life, though.

Three simple words.

_I..._

The Master was silent now, tears of rage in his eyes, lips pursed. He was waiting for his answer.

At the moment the Doctor only wished to take his face in his hands, wipe his tears away and kiss those beautiful lips of his. It'd be even simpler than saying those bloody words that burdened his mind as the ancient and painful secret they were.

"Why", asked the Master, without shouting this time.

Silence again.

Expectations.

"Because..."

The Doctor was obstinately staring at the floor. His voice was dying in his throat, his hearts were aching. He pondered over giving him the usual explanation : _all dead now, only us left, all we have is each other, _cross his fingers and hope the Master would believe that.

That was part of the truth.

But that wasn't the answer he deeply wanted to give him, not this time.

So he gave up. He pushed the Master away, turned his back and left him alone, hoping he wouldn't follow him.

Not until he had cleared his mind about what he was going to say.

* * *

The Master went to find him later, not exactly appeased but not quite as hysterical as earlier. He sat down onto the console, angrily playing with levers and buttons like a child.

"So..." He turned his head to stare at the Doctor. "How exactly did you manage to do that ? Because last thing I remember, I was happily dying in your arms. So ?"

"Dunno", mumbled the Doctor.

The Master scoffed at his answer. He wasn't getting away with that.

"I just brought you here", the Doctor finally explained after a long silence. "I was hoping that maybe in the Tardis... And then, you know..."

He had a vague gesture with his hands. Actually, he remembered perfectly what happened. He remembered crying over his friend's dead body. He didn't know what to do - what had he done wrong ? Everything was slipping away, once again.

And then he had this idea. It wasn't exactly an idea, to be honest, merely a feeling. Something he had to do, as if something were swooshing in his head. He wasn't even sure that could work, but he had no time to think about it.

He remembered his friends trying to dissuade him, Jack, Martha, all completely panicking at the idea that he could _actually _save the Master.

So the Doctor had carried him in his arms, along the corridors of the Valiant, and had carefully laid down his body on the Tardis floor.

"Then what", asked the Master. "I did not regenerate. What. Happened ?"

Good question.

"I reckon she saved you. 'Tis the only likely explanation."

"She ? Who is '_she' _?"

The Doctor vaguely designated the air around them, and the Master scowled, a bewildered look on his face.

"You mean the Tardis, right ? But why - why would she do that ? Why would your bloody ship save me ? After everything I've done..."

"She cares for who I care for", he said, in the simplest manner.

"So you actually care for me ?", asked the Master. He had this expression of slight disgust.

_If only he knew how much that hurts._

"Guess so", the Doctor said with a shrug.

He was expecting a row of insults, or maybe an expression of disdain, but the Master smiled instead. A faint smile, like he knew and there was nothing else to say about it.

It was enough to bring hope to the Doctor's hearts. Just a little.

"But you must have helped her."

It wasn't a question, and the Doctor nodded.

"Let me guess. You gave me your regeneration energy."

He nodded again. That was more or less what happened, only he wasn't certain how things really turned out. He must've done that, but he wasn't conscious of what he was doing.

"How stupid of you. You know what ? I don't want to hear about it anymore."

"You're here now, that's the only thing that counts", the Doctor said with his cheerful smile. "I'm just glad to have you with me."

"As your prisoner, you mean. Like I'm gonna be happy with that. Anyway - I'm not going to stay with you any longer."

The Master hopped to the floor and promptly disappeared out of his sight.

* * *

"Where are you ? Master, where are you ?"

He'd been searching for an hour inside his own Tardis and he didn't have the faintest clue about where the Master was hiding. And that was seriously worrying him.

That was stupid, anyway. If the Master felt like playing hide and seek, well, that'd be without him.

The Doctor knew, though, that the Master wasn't playing. He was mad at him for bringing him back, and he wanted to be as far from him as possible. He made that pretty clear.

_But what if..._

_What if he doesn't want to live anymore ? What if he cannot endure being my prisoner and he simply decides to..._

The Doctor sat on the floor, tired and disheartened.

_What if..._

He shuddered at this idea. No, the Master would never do that. He'd never attempt to his own life just to escape from him.

_Did you forget what he tried to do ? He chose to die rather than be with you. Saving him has not changed a single thing and you know it._

Bloody voice in his head. That was ridiculous again. He seriously needed to stop thinking about things like that.

_He's dead. Or soon he will be. Face the truth. _

The Doctor bit his lips.

_Of course he's alright. _

But try to kill an idea. And this one was spreading like poison in his mind.

He wiped a single tear at the corner of his eye, bit his lips harder.

"That's not what I wanted", he muttered to himself, or speaking to an imaginary Master. "I never wanted to make you my prisoner or make you miserable, you know. All I wanted was..."

A tear, again. And another. He leant his head against the wall, thoughtful.

"I wanted to show you the world. I wanted to travel with you, that's all. Just you and me. Because I do care for you, and I guess I..."

The pain in his hearts, again. Even when he was alone and talking to himself, he still couldn't say those words.

"You're my friend", he said, going for the simpler option.

He dried his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I'm gonna find you, Koschei", he said with a smile.

"It's _Master, _actually."

How long had he been standing there, at the opposite side of the corridor ? The Master was leaning against the wall, arms crossed. The Doctor got up, feeling a tad embarrassed.

"Where were you ?"

"Just exploring the ship. Since I'm gonna be here a long time..." He hit the wall with his fist.

"It doesn't have to be like this", the Doctor said carefully, trying to calm him down. He walked to him, sensing the rage in the eyes of the Master. "I know what you feel."

"How could you possibly know ? A rat in a cage, that's what I am", he shouted. "That's what you wanted !"

"Koschei, please... Let me help."

"You've done enough !"

And suddenly he was at him, his hands around his throat.

The Doctor didn't even try to fight back. He didn't want to, convinced the Master would never really hurt him.

For a strange reason, perhaps the lack of oxygen, or because he was feeling dizzy, he started to think about his failed attempts to express his feelings. How it virtually felt the same as having the Master trying to choke him.

"And what makes you smile now ? What's so _funny _?!"

The Master let go of him and sighed.

_He cannot hurt me._

_Not too much, anyway._

"What did you bring me back for ? Are you gonna answer that or what ?"

"Your smile", the Doctor said with a cough. "I wanted to see your smile."

_And not your manic grin, you bloody idiot. The other one, I mean. When we were children, remember ? When we were playing in the red grass fields of Gallifrey..._

_You were so happy_

"What... What was that ?", asked the Master, slowly backing away from him with a look of sheer surprise. "Was that you ? Inside my head ?"

Telepathic link, realised the Doctor, though he didn't do it on purpose. It happened, sometimes, when he felt overly emotional. He did not had the time to explain before the Master ran away. Again.

* * *

Only this time he knew exactly where he went. Telepathic link again ? Something like that, perhaps.

The Doctor found him in Rose's old bedroom. What had dragged him here ? He barely went to this part of the Tardis anymore. Old memories. And thinking about her... There were words he should've said to her, too, and never did. Never had the chance to.

He wouldn't make the same mistake again. Or so he thought.

The Master was curled up on the bed like a child, hands upon his ears. Surprisingly, the Doctor could hear the sound inside his own head - but muted, as if the drums were far away. A remnant of the telepathic link they shared earlier, maybe.

_The drums, of course. They're back._

He never thought about that.

"May I... ?", he asked on the threshold, unsure if he could enter the room or not.

"Your ship", replied the Master without looking at him. "Do as you wish."

He sat down on the bed beside him. The Master looked rather pitiful now. The Doctor could nearly feel the pain he was enduring, and he felt so sorry for him.

Unconsciously, he extended his arms to run his fingers through his friend's hair. Long time since he had the occasion to be this near to him.

_Well, except the choking_

"Don't touch me", the Master grumbled.

"Sorry."

But he was too tired to protest any longer or to escape from him once again, so the Doctor kept on petting his head. A simple gesture that was soothing his pain - for both of them, actually. If he could finally help...

Soon the Master had his eyes closed. He seemed somewhat relieved, as the pain was slowly vanishing.

"They're fading away", he moaned. "The drums. How so ?"

"Told you I could help", the Doctor said with a smile.

The Master raised an eye towards him. The Doctor was half expecting one of his witty remarks, but even if he looked vaguely displeased to admit the Doctor was telling the truth, he said nothing.

He closed his eyes again and soon fell asleep. The Doctor took him in his arms cautiously, held him against his chest. He could feel the beating of his hearts, matching the fading sound of drums.

He looked almost peaceful in his sleep, and the Doctor smiled to himself, feeling a bit of happiness.

* * *

"Feeling any better ?"

"Not really", the Master said in a faint voice.

He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He looked melancholic - or maybe weary to hear the drums. But he was no more the mad yelling child he was an hour or so earlier, more like himself again. The Doctor had always found his ability to change his mood this easily fascinating.

He didn't seem ready to accept his fate, though.

"Are you gonna let me go ?"

"No. You know I can't do that."

"Of course", the Master sighed. "And now you're just gonna stand there and watch me suffer. Time for your sweet little revenge ? Can't blame you. If I were you, I'd have done the same..."

"No", the Doctor vehemently protested.

He took swiftly his face in his hands, looked him in the eye. He looked so vulnerable lying there, it was almost heart breaking.

"It's not about revenge. And I won't let you suffer."

_I'll help. You get it wrong, it's not about me taking vengeance. You know I do care for you. I always did._

"Yeah, I know", the Master whispered, eyes half closed. "Doctor..."

That sounded like an invitation, or so he thought. How could he not respond ?

The Doctor leant over and kissed him.

And he immediately regretted it.

_Why the fuck did I … ?!_

He backed off, deeply embarrassed. If there was a foolish thing to do, that was it.

"I'm sorry", he mumbled. "Dunno why I..."

Then he noticed the look on the Master's face.

He was just smiling. That peculiar and very displeasant mocking grin of his.

_Oh, great. _

"At least, Doctor. Now you finally admit why you let me live."

The Doctor tried to say something, to explain himself. He couldn't. The words just wouldn't place themselves in the right order.

"So that's what you want, right ?", the Master continued. "_Me. _You want me. Can't say I wasn't expecting it.."

That was the Doctor's turn to be surprised, when the Master grabbed him by the neck and kissed him back.

Now there was this absolute silence in his head. He didn't know what to say or do, he didn't even know what to think anymore. Once again, barred from expressing what he felt.

And how did he feel ?

"C'mon, Doctor. Say it", he moaned again. "Just say it. Say you wanna fuck me."

"That's not what I want", he protested.

_I want so much more. How would you know ?_

"But it's ok", the Master said. "I'm ok with that."

Was he serious, or was he mocking him again, tempting him to see his reaction ? The Doctor didn't know.

"Do it", he said again, holding on him, madness in his eyes. "You deserve it. Take your prize, Doctor. Take your revenge on me. Think about your friends and everything I did... Oh, you expected me to be sorry ? I'm not. I'm a senseless bastard and I'm not sorry, Doctor. I'll never regret what I did."

Anyway. The Doctor couldn't think anymore. Maybe it was his daft smile, or the fact that the Master was constantly playing with him, regardless of his feelings. Something snapped in him, and the Doctor pinned him down to the bed, literally tore his shirt off him. It was as if he now had this deep and dark desire to see what he could do, just how far he could go. He felt this disturbing and selfish desire to possess him, to make his smile disappear, to... To hurt him ?

_No. Oh, no. I'm not gonna turn into him._

The Doctor let go of him, slowly backed away.

He was completely losing control.

And that's what the Master wanted, he realised. He wanted to see the Doctor becoming exactly like him, selfish and driven only by his own motives and emotions. The Master could turn him into someone completely different. He could make the darkness in him stronger, and that was terrifying.

"What have you done to me ?", the Doctor whispered, deeply shocked by his own reaction. He couldn't look him in the eye anymore.

Enough of this psychotic murderer he was calling his friend - he left the room and ran away.

* * *

The Doctor nearly crashed the Tardis on the nearest planet and ran from it as far as he could. He needed fresh air and above all, to be alone.

He regretted every single thing that happened, since the beginning of this endless day.

He should have let the Master die. He wouldn't be here, torturing himself over unsolvable dilemmas.

He was running through a dark forest, dark as his mind, he didn't know where he was going, and he didn't care.

* * *

But the Master was alone on the Tardis. The Doctor regretted not to have thrown him out, instead of him running from _his _ship.

And maybe it was time to go back before his lunatic _friend _decided to let him alone on this planet.

But someone was coming towards him. Someone was calling him.

"Doctor ? Where are you ? … Doctor ?"

He crossed his arms and stayed still, hoping the Master wouldn't find him and go away.

But of course, he did.

As always.

"You left me in your ship, you know", he scolded him. "I could've stolen your fucking Tardis and left you to rot in this swamp."

That was unbelievable.

"What are you now, the voice of reason ?" the Doctor ironized. "Well, why haven't you ?!"

He wasn't expecting an answer, anyway. The Master was doing things with no reason, except one : he was basically and utterly insane, and no matter what the Doctor did to avoid this subject, he couldn't blind himself from the truth any longer.

_Get used to it. That's what your so called friend really is._

The Master still had his shirt opened, like a reminder of what happened in that bedroom.

Time to end it. For good.

"I... release you", the Doctor sighed. "I'll give you a lift to wherever you wanna go. Anywhere but Earth, of course. And I hope I won't be hearing from you again."

The Master looked puzzled. He stayed silent for a while.

"After all this, you just... let me go ?"

The Doctor shrugged.

"Ok", he said, looking around him. "I believe I deserve an explanation, Doctor. It doesn't make much sense, does it ? After all you've done. Leaving me like that. I thought you _care._"

The Master looked almost dejected, and the Doctor didn't understand. He'd be free soon, so why wasn't he a bit more cheerful ?! What did he want, after all ?

Anyway. The Doctor wasn't to see him again.

Maybe it was also time to get rid of the pain in his chest. Then he'd be free of everything that happened, and he'd never think of it anymore.

"I did, actually. I told you and you never listened. But you wanna know the truth ? Not anymore. I can't. I won't play your little games any longer. I know you won't listen to me, I know you don't even care, but I will say it anyway. I just need to."

_Those stupid words. Take them and leave me alone. It doesn't matter, now. _

"Fuck this", the Doctor uttered. "I love you, that's all. That's the only truth. The only reason why I saved you. I love you."

It felt like something had been ripped off his hearts, but it was said.

He didn't want to see the Master's reaction. And what would that be ? Would it be him laughing or calling him a fool or... The Doctor didn't want to know.

He walked back to the Tardis. The Master could come or he could stay here, for all he could care.

"You can't just get rid of me like this, Doctor", he said, behind his back. "I thought you wanted me to travel with you."

And not a single reaction to what the Doctor just said.

Did he even listen to him ?

Of course, the Doctor suddenly understood. He could tell by the look on the Master's eyes. _He had always known. _That wasn't big news for him.

Maybe he was wrong about him, after all.

"Would you like it ?" the Doctor asked.

"I suppose so", the Master said. "You make the drums disappear. And we're... friends, aren't we ?"

He didn't say much more. But he offered the Doctor his adorable smile, smiling with both his eyes and lips.

And that could replace a million words.

_That's why I'm in love with you, _the Doctor thought. _Exactly for this._

The Master would never say he was sorry, of course. That wasn't like him. But the Doctor knew he was absolutely sincere.

'Friends' or maybe a little more. That he'll never say, either.

"Come here, Master", he said.

He offered him a hand. Instead of taking it, the Master took him in his arms and kissed him. Just a simple and brief kiss on the lips.

The Doctor's hearts were beating again with relief. He could turn him into someone bad, but he could also do the opposite. He could bring joy into his soul.

And he'd do that for his Master, too. He'd make the darkness disappear.

_Just the two of us. _

"So, where are we going ?"

"Anywhere you wanna go", the Doctor said. "Anywhere."


	2. Chapter 2

Second (and last) chapter of this little fic ^^ I may write a sequel with some sort of crossover with another show (not sure...)

* * *

There they were, touring the universe like two old friends. The Master found himself dancing with talking cats and chasing three-headed monsters with a spike. Never thought he would do this in a million years, but here he was.

To be perfectly honest, it was the Doctor's idea of fun, not his, but after all, he didn't have anything else to do. Because two weeks and a sort of sentimental moment earlier, he was panicking at the thought of the Doctor dumping him on an uninhabited planet, and what would become of his life alone without him. At the moment, that came across at unspeakably dreadful, no less.

He came to appreciate their journey together, though. It was funny and sweet, like taking a break from everything and no longer having these evil plans assembling themselves in his brain, like broken pieces of a Lego set for the sick minded.

The Doctor's cheerfulness could be contagious.

"But you do know that ain't gonna last, don't you ?", asked the Master one day.

"What d'you mean ?", the Doctor abruptly replied.

He wished they could go on like this forever, but he knew, deep in his hearts, that it was only temporary. One reason, one and only : the restless sound of his own insanity to come, constantly drumming in his head. The depths of madness were calling him, and he knew that in the end, he'd jump right in, and lose this constant battle. It would be like finding an old friend after years roaming alone - and even the Doctor was no match for this kind of friend.

There were a lot of good days indeed. Days where he could wake up without hearing the faintest sound. Perfect days. He would follow the Doctor anywhere then, because the world was that simple, shiny and full of stars.

"Nothing, Doctor. Doesn't matter."

He rested his head on the Doctor's shoulder. They were sitting on a cold beach at the edge of the universe, watching the setting twin suns. It seemed like the perfect metaphor for his life.

Because there were bad days, too. Days where he was feeling like the worst heavy metal band in the entire fucking universe was doing rehearsals in his head. Days where he was so close to completely lose control.

And he bet the Doctor knew exactly what he was talking about, but obviously didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to admit that their little adventure in time and space might not last. But one day, the facts would just snap at his face, and...

The darkness was getting stronger, day after day. And nobody, not even the Doctor, could stop it.

* * *

The Master was sitting on the edge of the Tardis, swinging his feet over the coloured void of the universe. The Medusa Cascade, not yet sealed. There were magical things in this world that could make the drums briefly disappear, and the Cascade was one of them. They were fairly scarce, these things that had the power to tame his mind, could count them with one hand.

Rifts in time and space.

Wiping out entire planets.

Hitting his head against the nearest wall till unconscious.

And sometimes, kisses on the back of his neck.

Sometimes.

The drums were back, in the blink of an eye.

"Pretty, innit ?"

That was the Doctor for him, always so bloody happy, always so delighted. He could be a tad annoying at times and never even notice.

"Works on your little human companions, Doctor", he muttered. "Not on me."

He'd been there so many times. And for now, the Master just wanted to be left alone. He was grumpy and not exactly in the right mood for kisses and jolly smiles.

He wondered sometimes if he had done the right thing, asking the Doctor to travel with him - it wasn't really his choice, or it didn't seem so. Had there really been a choice after all, once again ?

_Or someone else's voice_

"Even for a date ?", said the Doctor, giggling. "You don't like it ?"

The Master sighed, a bit irked. But he stayed there, let the Doctor cuddle and kiss him whilst trying to focus again on the blank in his head.

But the drums were here to stay, today.

Cuddling and kissing. In the end, that was all it came to, and somehow that irritated him no end. What were they, now - friends ? Lovers ? The Doctor could be a wee bit shy and clumsy, and sure he had trouble expressing his feelings. They'd been together for nearly two weeks now, and done nothing else but hold hands. Did the Doctor want something more, anyway ?

If the Master didn't make a move, nothing would change. He grabbed the Doctor by his tie, kissed him ravenously.

"Bedroom, Doctor. Now."

"I.. I don't know if it's a good idea, y'know, I..."

The Doctor's voice faltered - and it struck the Master, then. They were perfect opposites, to such extent it was almost laughable. Of course he'd always known it, but still there were things he'd never expected.

"C'mon, Doctor. It'll be ok", he purred.

He started to unbutton his shirt, only to be stopped by the Doctor catching his hand.

"Don't", he said sternly, and put him off.

For some weird reason, he surprised himself thinking about Lucy, just a brief moment. She never meant that much to him, but she'd always been a pleasant distraction.

And now - the Doctor.

It was almost touching, seeing him looking so puzzled and lost, with no idea what to say or do.

"You know what makes the drums stop ?", he said with a teasing smile. "Sex, Doctor. I'm not joking."

Indeed he was. If only it was that easy...

It worked sometimes though - once out of ten attempts to make the sound go away by any means. He was pretty sure having sex with the Doctor would do the trick, since even a kiss from him was enough to tone down the drums, but that wasn't the point. He suspected that had nothing to do with sex at all, more with love and compassion, those so unusual feelings - but anyway, the Doctor didn't seem to understand the joke at all.

"You're not serious, are you ?" the Doctor asked, frowning.

He sighed again. That wasn't fun at all. The Doctor _really _looked confused, or frightened, at the idea of what might happen in said bedroom if he let the Master drag him there.

"No. Not really... "

The Master paused, looked at him.

"Answer me, Doctor. Do I scare you or what ?"

He suspected there might be some truth in that.

"Why'd I be scared ?"

"I don't know, honestly. I'm just asking."

"Well, of course not."

But he was such a bad liar when it came to his own emotions, and his words sounded exactly like their opposite. It was understandable, but.

But.

Still, it hurt. The Master realised he'd expected something else, coming from the Doctor. Unconditional love hadn't obliterated all feelings of fear or suspicion he might had inspired in the Doctor's hearts.

Now he had this diffuse pain in his chest, like dark mist scattered across his lungs. He didn't really understand what it meant, or what he needed.

"Of course not", the Master repeated. The words sounded differently, a tad ironic maybe, but the Doctor didn't notice.

He stood up, tried to shut the feeling away in the back of his head, and went to the Tardis console. The drums were stronger, loud enough to make him stagger.

"My turn to drive", he said without looking at the Doctor. "Let's go somewhere."

* * *

The Master left alone the Tardis after they'd landed, suspecting the Doctor didn't want to be with him either. He needed time to think, and he wandered aimless around the streets of what seemed to be a rather big city.

The drums were tearing them apart, he realised. And there was nothing he could do.

But were they the only reason, or was there something else ? He wasn't sure.

_That isn't supposed to last._

_Bye bye to our sweet adventure in time and space..._

He was walking to the rhythm of the drums thumping in his head. One - two - three - four. One - two... Was it the drums ? Was it his own hearts ? He started to run as they grew louder. There was so much things he wanted to escape from.

And now, what it if he never came back ? What if he left the Doctor, would his friend chase him or just let him go ? The latter seemed more likely.

It suddenly started to rain - a heavy torrent of water flooding the streets. He looked for a place to shelter, pushed the first door to his right, and stepped into a pub. What was this place, another new bloody Earth, another bloody London ? The Doctor'd like it.

So he found himself stranded on this strange pub on this strange planet. People dancing, people drinking, people talking, people laughing. He felt disconnected from everything round him - even the atrocious music couldn't compete with the din in his head anyway.

He didn't have any other place to go though, so he decided to stay, leant against the bar and ordered a beer. As if it would help his thinking.

It had been his mistake. He should had said no in the first place and taken the freedom he was offered. Nobody would be here to judge him for what he did or what he felt. He was never meant to travel with the Doctor, obviously. That foolish idea of his...

He loved the Doctor, sure. But he also felt trapped and misunderstood, with him.

Maybe the best thing to do was to return to what they had been doing before - they had the perfect sort of long distance relationship, after all.

It was still time to put things straight though.

But the Master couldn't just leave now. That wouldn't be fair to his friend, to the man who saved his life. He owed the Doctor an explanation face to face. So he would be back before dawn and tell the Doctor he was going now – say, roaming the world alone, or maybe settle down somewhere, until the day the madness would call him for good, and ….

"You ! What're you doing here, you sick bastard ?!"

That voice. He knew it of course, but whose was it already ?

He turned around - and somebody punched him right in the face.

After the surprise and the pain, he stared at his attacker amid a haze of bloody tears.

Him - of course. Captain Jack Harkness.

He remembered instantly all that he did to him during the infamous Year that never was. He actually had fun torturing him, and considering the man couldn't die...

He well deserved the punch, to say the least. Even the Doctor would probably agree.

"Oh, hi", he said with his best Saxon smile. "Nice to see you too, Freak."

"What are you doing here ?", Jack asked again.

"I'm with the Doctor, actually. Don't break his toys", he said, unsure if Jack wanted to hit him again - but no, apparently, now that he'd mentioned the Doctor.

"You travel with him now", said Jack - not really a question, more a loathful assertion. "What an awesome pair you are."

"To tell you the truth, I was just about to leave."

"That's the best you can do. Look at you, this is ridiculous. I mean - the Doctor and you, seriously ? What the hell was he thinking ?"

_Thanks for expressing my deepest feelings in the simplest manner._

"What was he thinking", he sighed. "Anyway. What are you doing here ?"

"I'm looking for the Doctor. What a coincidence, don't you think ?"

Sure. Sheer coincidence.

"I suppose so. Why do you need him ?"

"Giant spaceship about to collide with the Earth. We need him, but he didn't show up, that's unusual. And now I see it's because of _you. _Did you specifically ask him not to go ? Or was it his decision ?"

"Me ? I've done nothing !"

"So it was his decision. But _thanks _to you, anyway."

Why him ?

But that made sense, actually, and he understood perfectly what Jack meant. The Doctor wanted to keep him as far from Earth as possible. Probably because of what the Master had done there, or because he feared that all the memories associated with that particular planet might bring back the evilness in him. And because that wasn't his place, to begin with.

The Master saving the Earth ? How ironic would that be. Time itself would refuse to acknowledge that.

And because they travelled together now, the Doctor couldn't go on his own. He chose to be with him, hence he abandoned his friends, realised the Master. But that wasn't what he asked for. He felt... Guilty, yes. The Doctor always cared so much for that bloody little planet, and the Master didn't want him to let go of that because of him.

That was it. He saw it now. The drums were just an excuse, really, hiding the peculiar oddity of their partnership. They had all reasons in the world not to be together.

"Where is he ?"

"Come with me", said the Master. "But let me talk to him. I'll tell him about the Earth."

* * *

"Jack !"

The Doctor waved hello to the captain with a big smile, right before the Master drew him in his room.

"What's he doing here ?"

"He was looking for you. They need you on Earth, Doctor."

"Well, they always do, don't they ?"

"This is serious, you know. Don't say you won't go because of me."

"That's nothing to do with you", frowned the Doctor. "I can't be always the one to save them. They have Jack, they have Martha, and they don't need me."

"They _do_", the Master maintained.

Maybe it was the watery eyes that convinced the Doctor that something really serious was going on. Two weeks, realised the Master. Two weeks with him and had he changed so much already. Now he was experiencing guilt, love, and for Rassilon's sake, he was even _crying _thinking about what might happen to the bloody human race. Or perhaps that was because he was about to lose his only friend, the only person that mattered to him. That was part of the Doctor's magic : his ability to bring out the best in people, even in him.

"Ok", sighed the Doctor. "I'm going. And you'll stay in the Tardis, right ? I s'pose you don't want to be, you know. Part of the battle. If there is a battle – well, there is always a..."

"I'm not going. What's the point in travelling with you, if I am to hide while you're saving your friends ? What's the point in all this ?"

"Come with me then."

"Can't. That's not what I'm supposed to do and that's not where I belong. Go save your friends, Doctor, and leave me. D'you hear ? _Leave me. _ Pretend you didn't save me. Forget about all this. Forget me."

The Doctor stared at him in silence for a while. That was it, that moment he'd been apprehending so much, the moment they'd be forced to part ways. He wouldn't pretend he wasn't concerned with Earth's fate, no matter how much he wanted to stay with the Master - his love for his Earth friends compelled him to go.

The Master was right, of course. He couldn't be part of the battle. And he couldn't just wait for him either - that would make no sense. That wasn't what his companions were supposed to do.

That was his turn to understand that they couldn't possibly be together.

Not in this way though.

In the console room, Jack called, reminding them they were running out of time.

"The drums ?", the Doctor asked.

"Still here", the Master said with a slight smile, tapping his head.

"But I can't leave you like this", said the Doctor, caressing his shoulder. "You can't be alone. Who's gonna watch over you ?"

"Don't worry. I'll be ok."

But they both knew he wouldn't. Not on his own, with this maddening sound beating in his head, making him slowly lose his mind. The Doctor would feel responsible, if something happened.

Not _if, _really, rather _when. _

"So you can't be with me", said the Doctor. "You can't be on your own either. What am I supposed to do ? What're you going to do ?"

"Don't worry too much about me. Told you, I'll be fine."

"No, you won't. You know it. The moment I leave you on this planet, you know what'll happen. You'll be your old self again. And there will be no point in what I've done, in me saving you."

And he was right, as always.

"I'm sorry, Doctor."

"Come here", he said with a broken voice.

The Doctor held him in his arms as if it were the last time, without looking him in the eye. No tears. Nobody would want that to happen.

But Jack kept on calling them, and he let him go.

"I... may have an idea. And you won't have to leave", the Doctor said hesitatingly. "You may not like it."

"Tell me."

"No time right now. Wait for me, just this time, ok ? I won't be long", he said with a smile. "And we'll sort this out."

He could wait - why not ? And see what the Doctor had think of.

So the Master stepped outside the Tardis, watched it whoosh and disappear. Instinctively, he looked up to the stars, not knowing what to expect.

* * *

So he waited for him, in the back of this awkward space pub, ordering beer after beer. Time passed, and still he was alone.

How would they sort this out, exactly ? What was the Doctor's brilliant idea ? The Master couldn't figure it out.

Or - he already did, maybe.

Because there was only one thing that could solve all these problems. One way to stay together without actually being together.

He knew the answer already, and smiled to himself.

Was he ready for it though ? Would he have enough grit - enough faith in the Doctor ?

Maybe it would be better for everyone if he just disappeared now.

But he stayed, in the end.

Just this time.

* * *

The door opened.

And the Doctor was there, triumphant. The Master didn't ask for details - all he needed to know was written on his smile. The Earth had been saved, once more.

"That was easy", he said, as he sat on the nearest stool. "There were these robots everywhere, y'know, and..."

"You said you had an idea", the Master interrupted. "About us."

"I may have an solution", said the Doctor softly. "And I may know how to make the drums disappear."

The drums too ? Not really what the Master had guessed. And if he knew, why didn't he say so earlier ?

That wasn't the right time to be angry at him, so he let him speak.

"What do I have to do ?"

"Become human", said the Doctor. "They will stop. I promise you."

The Chameleon Arch, of course. But he felt rather disappointed. He'd known it would be the Doctor's idea - but the moment he said the drums would disappear, the Master came to expect something else. One of the Doctor's last minute unexpected solutions coming right from the middle of nowhere, that surprisingly always worked.

"Yeah, but no, actually. Last time I tried that, they were still in my head."

"Not if you let me... 'rewrite' who you'll become."

"I don't know. Do you really think this could work ?"

"I need you to trust me on this", said the Doctor. "It would only be temporary anyway, until I find a better solution."

The perspective of both getting rid of the drumming and staying with the Doctor was somehow comforting. Even if it was at the cost of becoming someone else, with other dreams and wishes, someone utterly different.

Someone _normal, _though. Someone who wouldn't wake up in the mornings with the need to blow the entire universe to smithereens.

He had grown tired of himself, to be honest. He had grown weary of standing alone upon the brink of insanity.

And that would be temporary.

But what if the Doctor never found a better solution ? What if it didn't work ?

_Well, so be it. _

That everlasting fear he had grown up with, tearing him apart from inside, had vanished, as if to let him know that if he accepted, nothing in the world would subsist for him to be afraid of, nothing to run away from anymore.

And certainly not himself.

Now it was _his _choice. Not the Doctor's. Not someone else's.

"I do", said the Master. "I do trust you. Let's do this."

The Doctor smiled and took him in his arms. He didn't say much, once again, but his gaze said it all : he would find an answer. He would protect him and be there for him, and together they would have this new start he'd always dreamt of.

"I love you", he whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Doctor."

Never thought he'd say these words one day.

The irony of it all, sometimes.

The Master closed his eyes and kissed him.

_Goodbye, Doctor. See you in another life._


End file.
